


If Only

by Songofpsalms297



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cassandra irritated thoughts, Established Relationship, F/M, She deals how she deals, post Final Battle, practically microscopic, tiny fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 19:45:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12871686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songofpsalms297/pseuds/Songofpsalms297
Summary: Cassandra deals with her fears in her own way.





	If Only

Cassandra growled to herself. She couldn't spare a glare for the apprentice who dropped the armload of staves as she passed by. Fuming she strode from the War Room to the tavern. This was all Varric's fault. She'd kill that damned dwarf.

If only he wasn't so gifted with reading people. If only he didn't sport that irritatingly smug grin when he knew something he probably shouldn't. Like when he knew her cards were shit. If only his eyes didn't sparkle at a shared jest. If only he didn't have such a gentle smile when talking about his family.

If only she hadn't come to rely on him to bring color and anticipation to every gathering. It was his fault she missed him when he wasn't there. It was his fault because he had apologized for hiding Hawke's location from her. If only he had met her on the ramparts or at that table near the fire in the Great Hall. Or at the Herald's Rest. They could have discussed the issue over a couple of tankards like the comrades they were. Instead, he had invited her to accompany him on a trip to Orlais under the guise of purchasing writing materials, and items to care for Bianca out in the field. If only she hadn't accepted. She could have easily refused and remained behind at Skyhold. Maker knew she had plenty to keep her busy there. But no, he'd looked at her with that gentle smile, his eyes sparkling with mischief, and completely out of character, she'd allowed him to sweep her off to the Marketplace. They'd arrived in time for lunch, handily avoiding the ham which supposedly tasted like despair. He'd laughed aloud when he read the menu, he'd merrily offered to request the server bring them a small plate so she could verify the truth of his claims. If only he'd made the remark bitter and sarcastic instead of making it sound like a private jest just for the two of them.

If only she'd remembered his behavior prior. He was a snake and a liar. If only her heart believed those things anymore. If only he hadn't chosen to set aside his own biases and judgments, choosing to draw her out of herself. If only he hadn't spent the time to learn her likes, dislikes, hopes, and dreams. If only he hadn't chosen to become her soft place to land. If only he hadn't pursued her heart relentlessly until she'd finally learned the peace of surrendering herself in safe, beloved, pleasantly hairy arms. If only she didn't know how pleasant it had been to rest her head upon his chest, while a hand lazily played with her loosened braid.

If only he'd laughed in Evie's face when Evie'd requested he write the next chapter of Swords and Shields for her. If only he had rejected her heart in the most callous way possible. She could have mourned what hadn't been and survived this less destroyed.

If only Uncle Vestalus hadn't responded to his query for her favorite storybook from her childhood. If only he hadn't spent his spare time and money tracking down her parents' closest surviving friends. If only he hadn't sought out their memories of her little corner of the Pentaghast clan. If only she hadn't found the bound copy of shared memories and tales of adventure which featured her parents as children, then teens, finally parents and lovers who held fast to their ideals. Much the way their daughter continued to hold fast to hers. If only she had burned the little scroll wrapped with a ribbon, on top of the bound book. If only the simple dragon bone band had gotten lost on its way to her.

If only he hadn't known her ring size. If only it had been gaudy, or poorly designed, or ungiven. If only her heart's fate hadn't been signed in love by those words he'd written on the page. If only he'd asked her differently. If only he'd forgone the candles, the laughter, the flowers, the words he'd managed to draw from her own heart and present to her on the page. If only she'd had the desire to resist his charms. If only he hadn't become the very person she couldn't consider losing. If only he hadn't become her very heart. 

Stalking through the healer's rooms in search of him, she glared at people in her way. She took some small pleasure in them scattering like wheat before her. 

If he survived that last hit from Corypheus, she'd kill him. 


End file.
